Steven Tyler will overdose on American Idol in front of a bozillion people, J-Lo cries “Oh no he di’int”
Rates go higher…duh
Rahm Emmanuel doesn’t get elected as Mayor of Chicago.
Lindsay Lohan goes postal.
Miley Cyrus will replace her.
Brittany Spears buys a double wide and moves in with her ex. PBR’s loaded in the fridge.
The housing market gets much much worse.
The jobless ‘uncovery’ stalls.
Spain defaults.
Belgium gets some face time on the front page.
‘Cradle to Grave’ becomes an awesome Euro rock band, but disbands due to lack of government funding.
Bernanke does a mea culpa for his “we are not in a recession and we are not seeing any inflation” comments.
Bernanke goes on to make more money than Greenspan, free agency pays better now than during Alan’s time.
Larry Summers admits he cheated to get into Harvard and does Jiffy Lube commercials. Yes, he is part android.
Tim Geithner still can’t sell his house in Westchester.
The dollar goes higher, but not for the right reasons and Europe implodes. Eastern Europe goes front page again.
Banks start lending to homeless people as they have no other way to make money. Some of their profits get bet on Monday Night Football as they search for alpha.
Obama doesn’t run again after talking to Bill Clinton. ” You made how much after you were impeached’?
Mary Shapiro begs the banks to start prop trading again and rebuild their risky derivative desks because a lack of impropriety leads to massive layoffs at SEC headquarters.
The SEC is still working on that anti shorting thingy.
Wikileaks exposes Jimmy Hoffa’s location.
Geithner passes another kidney stone, it’s called the deficit.
Tony Hayward ‘got his life back’ but cleans mouse droppings at BP’s Russian operation.
….and hopefully, I will still be around to do another one next year.